It may not have a panel of smug showbiz celebrities, or a horrendously expensive premium rate phone vote, but up towards the peak of Mount Teide, 8 robots are auditioning for an out of this world gig - on the moon. The European Space Agency has challenged universities from 8 countries to build and send their best lunar exploration vehicle to prove itself on the rocky and cratered moon type landscape of Teide National Park.

Britain is represented by Surrey University, although somehow the phrase “Guildford, we have a problem” doesn’t have the same ring to it. All the contestants will get their chance to shine, maybe it’s best described as a cross between Robot Wars and Stars In Their Eyes, before the lucky winner gets a chance at a future space shot.

But what will they find once they go into space? With a great sense of timing, the Spanish Ministry of Defence has just de-classified a whole batch of flying saucer reports from past years. Known as OVNI’s (Objeto Volante No Identificado) these sightings are outlined in a 84 page report, including several over the Canary Islands.

One of the higher profile encounters was in November 1974 when several sightings took place in Gran Canaria, including one by an off duty Assistant Air Colonel, who claims it flew over his car at amazing speed. At the same time, a plane coming into Las Palmas also reported an object buzzing it, popping in and out of the clouds. Pio’s (Gran Canarians) do have naturally bad judgement, their football team is a prime example, but many other OVNI incidents have been spotted over the other islands, including Tenerife, so maybe we should get these robots up into space and let them sort it all out.

What are the strange new metal structures popping up all along the front at Los Cristianos. Are they bicycle stands for aliens, toast racks for giants or modern art gone mad? Actually, none of those, they are gym equipment installed by Arona council in a bid to encourage a little day to day excercise.

The 2 main areas are the small plaza with the fisherwomans statue facing the old beach, and to the east a mini park area just past the tiny plaza with the newly mended fountain. The latter area is mostly metal beams, a nearby plaque explains their 3 main benefits to the cardio vascular system, strength and flexibility. The other area has a treader for step ups and 2 seat benches fitted with pedals to improve lower body strength.

I’ve seen street gyms like this on a much larger scale in Arrecife, the capital of Lanzarote, and i’m told they are also popular in Miami. The Tenerife versions have popped up over night with no big fanfare, and are becoming a curiosity among passers by. I tried to get some pics of dolly birds trying the equipment out, but strangely they didn’t seem keen to exert themselves while a shifty looking blonde man lurked in the shadows with his camera.

If you go near the new additions, don’t just look, have a little play, it might encoursge others. I’m not too sure about the pedal machine, I have heard that it is linked to the cafe behind, where the owner is contemplating vastly reduced electricity bills. Besides that, when people pedal really fast using both seats, I could swear that Tenerife starts moving slightly nearer to La Gomera.

It’s enough to make the Major choke on his cornflakes and Basil chew the carpet. Puerto de la Cruz council want to twin their city with Torquay, the cream of Devon, forever immortalised by Fawlty Towers.

 You can see the similarities, both coastal cities with a big fishing and boating community and popular with tourism, but that’s not the connection. Agatha Christie is the key to this mystery. The famous crime writer, born in Torquay in 1890, stayed in Puero de la Cruz in 1927 and was inspired to write the short story “The Man From The Sea”. Last year Puerto held an Agatha Christie festival from November 23 to December 1 to mark the 80th anniversary of her visit.

Grandson Matthew Prichard, who now handles Agathas estate and rights to her works, came over to attend a number of events including the unveiling of a bust at La Paz, the mirador (viewpoint) that looks down on much of Puerto de la Cruz. The plan is for a second festival to be held in June 2009 and the twinning arrangement with Torquay would fit in nicely with that.

The Devon city has its other claims to fame, comedian Peter Cook was born there and the lovely Helen “Hells Bells” Chamberlain is probably their most famous supporter of Torquay United. I doubt if we can look forward to a literary festival based on the works of Derek and Clive, or the contents of the Torquay football programme, so murder and intrique will continue to forge links between the 2 cities.

Money makes the world go round, well so Liza Minelli sang, I find that a dozen bottles of Dorada Especial makes most things go round. Anyway, giving the World an extra spin is a new 12 euro coin made by the Real Casa de la Moneda, the Spanish mint.

The new coin weighs in at 18 grams, is 33 mm in diameter and is to commemorate 2008 - the International Year of Planet Earth. Although it is technically legal tender, it’s not issued for general circulation like other coins, and you would probably have a hard time getting shops to accept it. I thought this was a one off but delving deeper, I found that there is a history of these 12 Euro coins to mark special  occasions, the last 2 years has seen specials to commemorate the Treaty of Rome and the 5th centennary of Christopher Columbus.

The coins are in the tradition of the British crown, they had a face value of 25 pence or 5 shillings in pre decimal terms. The Queens silver jubilee crown of 1977 is probably loitering around in the bottom of many peoples change jars, I still have my 1965 Churchill crown tucked away and gathering dust somewhere at my parents. They were often given as little birthday presents with the idea that they would grow in value as collectors items, though there were so many of them, they wont make you rich.

Living here in Tenerife, it’s easy to get used to the constant arrival of illegal African immigrants on the pathetic wrecks of boats known as pateras or cayucos. Living in comfort in a beautiful setting, it’s hard to imagine the hardship and poverty that drives these people to risk their lives in search of a new life and new hope. Only a couple of days ago, another 69 were beached at San Miguel, most of them dehydrated and suffering from hypothermia.

Sadly, where there is suffering, there is often someone profiting from their misery, and in this case it’s the gangs that operate the boats and take a meagre lifes savings off their desperate passengers. In many cases they are abandoned at sea once the police patrol boats come into view, that is those who survive that long, lots including women and children die on route. Even if they finish the crossing, many are forced into slave labour, often to pay off the balance of their fare.

This week there was some payback in a Santa Cruz court against 3 boat operators from Mauritania who had brought over 67 of their own country men and women in a rickety cayuco in January. They were spotted off the Tenerife coast by the Guardia Civil patrol boat and towed into Los Cristianos harbour, and on to hospital for treatment. All 3 “captains” got 3 years in jail for their exploitation, there are many more over in Africa, just as ruthless and greedy, ready to take their place - but it’s a start.

Yesterday, Macca’s concert seemed so far away, now it looks as though he’ll be here to play. It was starting to look as if the proposed Paul McCartney concert at Golf Costa Adeje on Saturday Decemeber 6 wouldn’t happen but a leading Tenerife hotel has started to take reservations for package deals that include accomodation and tickets.

There is still no confirmation on the official Paul McCartney website or anywhere else I can find on the internet but the 5 star Grand Hotel Iberostar Anthelia at Playa del Duque are taking bookings for 2, 3 and 5 night stays. Iberostar is a major international chain and of course local to the golf course where another British knight, Sir Elton John performed back on January 24. The same promotion company, Canarias Live Sun Festival, are behind the Macca gig, which was announced tentatively a couple of months ago.

The deals on offer are all for a double room with a sea view in the luxury hotel and spa, and include breakfast. For 2 nights the cost is 195 euros each, 3 nights 255 euros each, and 5 nights 425 euros each, but that option includes a meal in the poseidon restaurant, that could be quite an adventure.

Hopefully confirmation and ticket prices will follow soon, but to give you an idea here are the prices from the Elton John concert. The flash seats were 120 euros, dropping to 90 euros and 35 euros in the cheaper areas, they can get 20,000 people in and should have learned a few lessons from the scrum down at the start of the Elton concert.

So get practicing folks “Simply having a wonderful christmas time” and of course “bom bom bom, we all stand together bom bom”

An uneasy calmness has descended on the sea at Los Cristianos, the 2 sides in the great boat tug of war are considering their next move in this long drawn out drama. The scene is the old beach, just beyond the swimming zone, for years there has been a flotilla of small boats moored up, some seemingly abandoned. The port authority declared war on these 80 or so boats about a year ago and issued eviction notices, where they could find owners.

As from the start of October, the port has taken action, forcibly moving some of, what they consider to be, the more neglected boats, only 5 so far. In the meantime, the Associacion Barqueros y Playeros de Los Cristianos (the boat owners association) has hit back saying that it is a working port and the boats bobbing up and down are part of the natural scenery and atmosphere. They have also raised a petition of 3,355 names, against the enforced removals, and have sent copies to the port authority head office in Santa Cruz, Arona council, and the governments of the Canary Islands and Spain. We await the next move.

With moorings on my mind, I thought it was a good time to pay an overdue visit to Las Galletas. It’s interesing to note that their Marina del Sur, see post about its March birth, is now filling its pontoons quickly as well as the hard standing area. Charges for these are probably pretty excessive, so I wonder what their attitude is to the 20 or so loose moored boats that have been out in the bay for many years. I swim there fairly often and recognise the same battered old boats, especially those with a cover on, that have been continually decorated by the friendly seagulls. The locals (business units) on the marina are still empty, including the Policia Local office and the new posh fish gutting station, slowly slowly as ever.

…tell him your plans. That old saying was underlined yesterday in Los Cristianos when a shower of soot from a Naviera Armas ferry funnel caused the closure of the old beach for an hour, while Las Vistas beach was undergoing a high profile clean up by volunteers. The problem happened when instead of the normal smoke billowing out of the ferry funnel, a cloud of soot blew out and landed in the sea.

“Oh no, it’s Sooty in the sea” the sun worshippers cried, and before you could say Izzy Wizzy, lets get busy, people had dived in to save the poor bear, only to quickly realise their mistake. The police ordered a sweep of bathers off the beach while the offending soot dispersed, and through the port authority, they will be asking the ferry company for a good explanation.

Meanwhile on the other side of Los Cristianos, the early morning beach clean up had started, with a team of volunteers, backed by local diving schools and Arona councils very commendable programme to keep all the beaches in their area clean and safe. As part of the days programme, the Fundacion Neotropico, that restores injured turtles to good health, released some healthy creatures back into the water.

The soot incident was very unfortunate and couldn’t have happened on a worse day, but at least it was just a short interuption and may even have drawn attention to the good work being done on the larger beach next door.

What better way to celebrate the 30 th birthday of TITSA, the Tenerife government owned public bus company, than with a trip on one of their trusty steeds to the main bus station in the capital, Santa Cruz, to join in the party.

The name TITSA is derived from Transportes Interurbanos de Tenerife and in their 30 year history their buses have covered 1,000 million kms, that’s 36.5 million kms a year, and while I’m wheeling out the stats, they have 1,700 staff and 604 buses.

Gripping my Bono, multi journey ticket, I caught the 110 direct bus from Los Cristianos to Santa Cruz, and just an hour and 4.45 euros later, we glided into the top tier of the main station, caught between the shadow of the high rise Corte Ingles super store, and the hook nosed auditorium. If you are not already aware, I’m a big fan of the Tenerife bus service, pretty reliable and at your service 365 days a year, it is my magic carpet to many remote and bizarre places. Not only do they run on christmas day and all Canarian holidays, they also put on specail extras for events like Carnaval and last Fridays Gloria Estafan concert, on the outskirts of the capital.

The bus station had a big revamp a few years ago to allow the front to house one terminal of the new tram service. The top tier now has the stops for the island wide services, the second is home to those serving the capital and it’s outlying district, and the ground floor is split between a large underground car park and the main concourse. This main area is bright and airy due to high glass windows on all sides, and has a pretty decent cafe area that does tapas and main meals. In the centre of the open area I found the promised birthday exhibition.

Not quite what I expected, a series of large stacked cubes with scenes of the companies history depicted on all the faces, no birthday cake or champers - shame, maybe they are just modest. The Tenerife government are weighing in with their own birthday present, 150 million euros between now and 2012. It will be used for new buses, new routes, increased frequencies, new stops and new bus lanes, this Wednesday 45 new environmentally friendly buses will be presented to TITSA - pity the councillor that has to gift wrap that lot.

With no sign of any party hats or jelly and ice cream, I thought it best to head off exploring, then I remembered a sculpture exhibition at Casa de la Cultura, that I had intended to look at earlier in its September long run. After taking the tram to Teatro Guimera for some food and drink, I sussed out that 2 streets back and just up Calle Miraflores, I could catch a 026 bus up to the north of Santa Cruz to Parque la Granja and the library cum exhibition hall on the corner. Built in 1995, said the plaque, but the building looked old and a bit neglected, after a quick look in the vast and well equipped library I followed the signs down the stairs to the Sala La Granja and the large plain white room where Vision de Genero (vision of gender) by local sculptor Rosa Hernandez was on display.

The 12 female figures splayed in their death throes on the floor, oozed small pools of sand to represent blood and were certainly haunting and different. With my culture quota satisfied, I headed back down into the heart of Santa Cruz, past the altogether more cheery Parque la Granja, well kept and speckled with joggers and students. Passing the heart warming sight of CD Tenerife’s ground below me, and crossing Barranco Santos, I was soon at La Paz for a quick snack before heading down to the Plaza de España and back to the bus station.

The new trams struck a nice contrast with the TITSA buses swarming into the station, and there is even a specially decorated tram for the TITSA birthday. Maybe in just under 29 years, the trams will have their own 30th birthday to mark, in the meantime I shall raise a beer to the jolly green buses, many happy returns.

If you don’t like young, fit, nubile bodies, you best skip this posting, if however you do, DING DONG, as Leslie Phillips would say. The beautiful people are getting ready to take centre stage in Santa Cruz for the 2008 editions of Mr and Miss Tenerife, 68 of the finest and fittest, and top live music too including Spain’s 2007 Eurovision boy band D’Nash.

The shows take place on Friday September 26, for Mr Tenerife, and Saturday 27 September, for Miss Tenerife, both starting at 9pm at Castillo Negro, the old sea fort next to the hook nosed auditorium, a 4,000 plus crowd is expected each night.

Friday sees the 34 men strut their stuff, and as with the ladies the following night, they have 3 chances to impress, in swim wear, casual and evening wear. The music will be supplied by Danyssel and D’Nash, who were elected to fly the colours for Spain at Helsinki in Eurovision 2007. The 4 piece, singing I Love You Mi Vida, finished 20th, just behind a tap dancing ferret and a group of monks that had taken a vow of silence. Despite, or maybe because of that, they have prospered and it will be an emotional return for one of the boys, Mikel, who is from Santa Cruz.

On to Saturday and the chaps may be tempted out of the bars to see who is crowned Miss Tenerife. There should be strong competition for this one, as last years winner, Patricia Rodriquez (pic) , went on to become Miss Spain this March, and in November she jets off to South Africa hoping to add the Miss World title to her collection. Music will be provided by Nicky and Pignoise, if you bear in mind that each night the 34 contestants appear 3 times and there are 2 acts to perform, you will realise that the shows will go on into the early hours. Good luck to all the hopefuls, may your smiles never fade.